While She Sleeps
by steph2009
Summary: Kaname thinks of his sins while Yuuki sleeps, drifting through his memories of a more bitter time. Written for snowywarriors on Tumblr.


**While She Sleeps**

 **Summary:** Kaname thinks on his future plans and his past with Yuuki as he waits for her to awaken from her memory-induced sleep.

 **Disclaimer:** Vampire Knight belongs to Matsuri Hino.

* * *

Kaname stared down at Yuuki's face as she slept, trapped in the darkness of his memories. Despite the images he knew she must be seeing, the terrifying truth of himself, her face was serene. He touched her cheek gently and brushed his thumb over the bone. He took a moment to marvel at her beauty.

As a human, she had been pretty; but as her true self, she was radiant. The saddest thing about her return to him was that the light in her eyes had dimmed as she learned the truth. She did not radiate her happiness in the same way anymore. Her smiles were fewer; and it broke his heart to know his decision was the cause. His hand slipped from her cheek.

What right did he have to touch her when he planned to hurt her more? His plan would steal what few smiles she had left whenever he set his plans into motion. A bitter smile turned his lips. He was getting ahead of himself. Who was to say she would gift him any more smiles after the day was over? He had, after all, been the reason her brother was murdered; if she were feeling charitable, she would go no further than that accusation, but he knew the truth. He was guilty of so much more.

These thoughts made him all the more reluctant to part from her again. His aching, guilty heart commanded that he stay until she wake, so that he could bask in her presence before she ultimately demanded he leave her life; but he could no longer ignore the parched feeling in his throat. He needed nourishment. The act of passing his memories into her through blood had left him rather lightheaded. He slipped out from underneath her and laid her gently back onto his coffin. His heart seized at the sight of her so still.

No matter how she felt about him after this day, he prayed that she would never go into the same deep sleep so many Purebloods did. He prayed that she would never feel the aching weight of the years as they passed by her; that she would never feel the loneliness that came with their longevity. He wished for her happiness, always.

She presented a better image now that her clothing was not covered with her own blood. Earlier, he had not been able to bear the thoughts her appearance had conquered when she had fallen into his memories. Lying against him so still and covered in blood, she had reminded him too much of his first love before she passed from this world. It had been easy to part from her with the memory fresh in his mind. Now, in a fresh set of clothing, she looked as if she were simply sleeping.

He couldn't resist the urge to leave her with a token of his love. He laid the rose he had plucked from the vase on his way back to her onto her stomach. No matter her reaction, he would love her the same. She could spit on him, bury Artemis through his throat, and he would still love her. He would die loving her. These were his truths. His love for Yuuki was the only thing in his life that was absolute.

 _"Someday, we'll be like mother and father."_ She had been so joyous whenever he had said those words to her; but more and more since returning her to her true from, he wasn't certain that he was what she wanted. Kaname understood, of course. She had been nothing but honest with him since arriving at the manor. He had tried to take comfort in the fact that she had come with him; that she had chosen him. Yet, he saw the way she eyed Zero whenever they met; he saw the way she had come so close to feeding from him before remembering her promise. He knew how she longed for Kiryuu.

His jaw tightened and a crack began to form in the ceiling. He turned away from the room and walked upstairs. He needed to replenish himself before his powers ran away from him.

He plopped a blood tablet into his water and swiveled the pill around in the glass until it dissolved completely. Kaname allowed his mind to travel to his plan and where it fit in with his current decision. He wanted Yuuki to truly know him before he left, before he embarked on his mission. He wanted her to know him as no one else knew him. Selfishly, he wanted her to have the same faith in him that she always showed Kiryuu.

The door burst open as he lifted his drink to his lips. Ah. Had he truly been lost in his musing so long that all of his memories had played? His eyebrows rose as she all but collapsed there beside the end table.

"I thought you had gone somewhere," she puffed. His heart clenched at her words. She had ran from the basement floor, just to find him again? Oh, his dear girl.

"You rushed in here with that pale face for something so trivial?" he teased. Her eyes then turned wrathful as she looked up at him.

"It's not trivial! And you left a rose behind!"

"I noticed it in the vase when I went to get a change of clothes. I had intended it as a kind of palate cleanser." He said, looking away from her. "I thought you might want to see something pretty after seeing something so dirty." He turned away from her, not wishing for her to see the emotions that passed across his face at his own words. _'Dirty,'_ he pondered. _'Yes…that is one way of describing my past…Soaked in blood is another…'_ Her reaction to his changing her clothes any other day would have been amusing, but he was so burdened with nervousness that he didn't feel it.

"I didn't do anything to you," he reassured her. Still, he couldn't bring himself to look her at her. He was afraid. "I had planned to tell you everything one day." He admitted. "But I couldn't bear seeing you have faith in me when you didn't know my past…" That was the crux of it, wasn't it? He was being selfish. So very selfish. He wanted her faith…only to betray her. He lowered his eyes to his glass; his head followed the motion. "So I forced that knowledge upon you, regardless of how you felt…" He was the monster Kiryuu had always accused him of being.

His eyes widened as her arms folded around his waist. He felt her cheek press to his back. "I didn't want a pretty rose," she told him, her voice aching. His heart cracked. "When I opened my eyes, the first thing I wanted to see was your face…"

 _'Ah…'_ Her sweet words felt like a physical blow to him. Was it possible she did not hate him? Suddenly, he was overcome with the need to see her face. Though her lips could lie to him, her doe-like eyes had never been able to hide a thing. He turned to her, immediately seeking them out. She looked up at him, as unwavering as she always was when something serious was unfolding before her.

"Do you still think of me as a brother?" He asked, chasing the emotions as they passed through her eyes. "I'm the reason your brother died, you know." Sadness made her eyelids sit just a little lower, but she did not cry.

"I know," she muttered. She did not spare his feelings by arguing with him. In a way, it amused him. "From this point on, I will only call you Kaname." She said it with such conviction that he knew she would not waver again.

Yet, he was slightly disappointed. It was not the answer he had wanted, but it was something he had been wanting. Her honorifics were gone. He was only Kaname…but he would wish to hear something of how she felt while his past was still fresh in her mind.

Yet…from the knocking on their door, he knew it would have to wait.


End file.
